An Open Letter To The Red Sox Organization

Dear Mr. Francona,
A 1.5 game lead? 1.5??? We had 14.5 games on the *spit* Yankees and you've pissed it all away. And listen, I know you want to give Eric Gagne a chance, but for the sake of my blood pressure, could you just not use him when the game is on the line? Don't turn into Grady Little on me.

Thank you.

With much nervousness,
Major Bedhead


Dear Mr. Farrell,
Could you please explain to me how someone of Okijima's caliber can become out of shape during the season? How is that possible? Is he scarfing down Fenway Franks on the side? Channeling Babe Ruth? Could you maybe give him a salad and start him on an exercise program? The way the bullpen is falling apart, we need every last one of those guys to be in top shape. Out of shape just won't cut it.

Yours in confusedness,
Major Bedhead


Dear Theo,
Way to go on the Gagne signing. Brilliant move, getting rid of Kason Gabbard for a guy who now has a 33.0 ERA. I think I could pitch better than him at this point and the only thing I can throw is a conniption fit.

Yours in disgustedness,
Major Bedhead


Dear Manny,
Heal, goddammit. We need you.

Yours in good health,
Major Bedhead


Dear Youk,
Heal, goddammit. We need you.

Yours in good health,
Major Bedhead


Dear Coco,
Heal, goddammit. We need you.

Yours in good health,
Major Bedhead


Dear Red Sox,
Please don't break my heart.

Yours in pessimistic hopefulness,
Major Bedhead