Monday, August 20, 2007

Jeff Foxworthy on New England

Forget Rednecks... here's what Jeff Foxworthy has to say on New Englanders:
  • If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 36 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping it will swim by, you might live in New England.

  • If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Mt. Washington is the coldest spot in the nation, and Boston gets more snow than any other majority in the US, you live in New England.

  • If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you live in New England.

  • If you instinctively walk like a penguin for six months out of the year, you live in New England.

  • If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you live in New England.

  • If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in New England.

  • If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in New England.


  • "Vacation" means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend.

  • You measure distance in hours.

  • You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

  • You have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day, and back again.

  • You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching.

  • You install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked.

  • You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend/wife knows how to use them.

  • You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

  • Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

  • You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction .

  • Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.

  • "Down South" to you means Philadelphia.

  • Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new shed.

  • Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

  • You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

  • You find 10 degrees "a little chilly."

  • You actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your New England friends.


Fairly Odd Mother said...

Geesh, he seems to think New England is covered in snow and freezing 90% of the year!

Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You said...

LOL the first year I moved to New Hampshire, we had snow fall 9 OUT OF 12 MONTHS - he may be right, fairly odd mother LOL

beta mom said...

This is scary funny - I went down the list saying, "yup, yup, yup"....but I love living on my little island in Rhode Island!

So glad to have discovered the NE Mamas!

gr888gram said...

These were originally said about Minnesota/North Dakota - we are warmer than them by a mile.

Lauren Jean said...

The one that really got me was having a lengthly conversation with the wrong number. I am SO guilty of that. Masshole, born and raised. As far as Dairy Queen goes... I never really thought about it but the one down the street from me is most certainly closed during that time frame.

Christine said...

I think these fit northern New England best.